Hey, Children of the 80’s, we found your favorite toys! No, you can’t play with them, but at least they appear to be in perfect condition. Think of it as a virtual toy box that you don’t have to worry about being trapped in by a particularly cruel older sibling.
They just don’t make toys like they used to. Sure, kids today can, with the tap of a finger, download the latest game that makes the Mario Bros. look old enough to have invented the wheel–but what good does that do them in a Super Soaker ambush? Can something even be considered a toy if it can’t get wet or double as a weapon?
For those of you who grew up with these toys, enjoy the Roller Racer ride down Memory Lane. For those of you who did not, try not to be TOO jealous of what you missed out on. There’s probably a Glo Worm app out there.
1.) Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Action Figures: Radical! (Pizza not included.)
2.) Slap Bracelets: Ouch! Friendship has never hurt so good!
3.) Super Soaker: Wetter is better!
4.) Roller Racer: The fastest path between two points is a straight line, but zigzagging is much more fun.
5.) Nintendo Duck Hunt: Kids these days have no idea what it’s like to be taunted by a laughing dog. You really have to feel bad for them!
6.) Teddy Ruxpin: Imagine how much more people would read if we still had a talking bear to do it for us.
7.) Transformers: Sorry, no Shia LaBeouf dolls here.
8.) Pogo Ball: Because Pogo Sticks were just too safe. Who needs handlebars anyway?
9.) My Little Pony: Like fedoras, these too were around before the rise of the Internet.
10.) Ghostbusters Action Figures: Who you gonna call? WHICHEVER RELATIVE IS MOST LIKELY TO BUY YOU THESE!
11.) My Pet Monster: Terrifying. Just the way we liked it!
12.) Glo Worm: After a day of playing with My Pet Monster, you’ll need one of these lullaby-singing toys to get to sleep at night.
13.) Popples: Before cell phones, it was Popples that were popping out of pockets. Until the dog mistook one for their chew toy, that is.
14.) Micro Machines: What do you mean my insurance doesn’t cover my younger brother mistaking my Corvette for a cookie?
15.) He-Man and the Masters of the Universe Actions Figures: You have the power!
What a time to be alive and covered in bruises from those Pogo Ball spills!
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